Needle in a haystack

No, I am not one of life's heavily oppressed.
I have a family.
a few people whom I can call friends,
and I'm financially stable (sort of).
A sound life, so to speak.

But why do I still feel like I am slowly being pushed into a dark abyss?
Why am I still being consumed with a great feeling of discontent?
Like I somehow... don't belong.
What's wrong?
What's lacking?

As the search goes on,
I fear that that by the time I find it,
it'll already be too late.
For me, for the people around me.
And that thing, whatever it is, would have already lost its worth.
Its purpose.
Along with mine.

Can anyone even help me?
To what extent?
And what in exchange,
when at the moment I feel I have little worth?

With all these looming questions,
I still somehow try to take a positive view of things.
Focus on the brighter side, as some would say.
But
every time I do, I just end up being fazed by the light.
And so I'd cover my eyes and settle back
in the comforts of the dark where my eyes are slowly,
but surely,
starting to get used to.

For you who's reading this,
I do not expect you to understand
nor to sympathize with me.
Do not even dare to judge,
as many have done in the past,
for this time
I really don't care no more.

This is just me, the author.

Baring. Exposing myself.
Blurting out all the hurt,
the confusion,
the despair.

No need to mask these emotions through flowery words,
poetic, rhyming lines,
or any of those shit.
I'm simply laying everything out in the open,
trying to find some answers amidst all these questions
in this deluge of a mind,or life in general.